Pleasing People

Hello. My name is Tonya, and I’m a people-pleaser. I admit it. And, admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I really wish it wasn’t true, but it is. I’ve come a long way, and pleasing people is no longer a driving force for my well-being as it once was. But, every now and then, it rises up and I realize that it’s time to re-focus and get my thinking straight again.

On the surface, I don’t really think that the desire to please people is such a bad thing. In fact, it can motivate a lot of positive behavior. However, when you start to define your self-worth based on how other people perceive you, that’s when things start to get out of balance. For me, I am sometimes overcome with guilt and self-condemnation when I realize that someone important to me is disappointed with something I’ve said or done. I can beat myself up for days at the smallest sign of disapproval. My mind becomes overwhelmed with all of the “what if’s” and “why’s” that you can imagine. And, guess what – all of that second guessing takes a lot of energy – both emotional and spiritual – and it can drain the life right out of you.

So, how can you keep things in perspective? For me, I have to stop and remind myself that I have worth as an individual – no matter what others think of me. If you don’t believe that, check out what Ephesians 1:3-6 (The Message) has to say: “How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.”

I also have to remember what I’m responsible for. Micah 6:8 says: “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God.” Notice that “make everyone around you happy” is not part of that list! If you’re doing what this verse says, then you can sleep well at night knowing that you have pleased the only one whose opinion matters – Your Heavenly Father. If that doesn’t please everyone else, then really, that’s their problem, not yours. You are NOT responsible for their happiness. You ARE responsible for living out your life in a way that is pleasing to God.

So, when I find myself falling off the wagon (so to speak), I stop and center myself on the truth of God’s Word. And, I use the truth that I find there to help me neutralize all the “stinking thinking” that drags me down. Because, when it comes right down to it, I’m a child of a King, and it doesn’t get much better than that!