I can't tolerate offensiveness...

For the most part, I try not to use this blog as a soapbox.  However, this post might be the exception because I’m getting pretty frustrated with some of the ideals that are becoming the social norms in our culture. 

For the life of me, I can’t understand why tolerance has become the ideal that is to be cherished above everything else.  I mean, think about it - tolerance isn’t necessarily a positive thing.  I tolerate wearing pantyhose and high heels in the summer time because I have to for my job in certain situations.  But, I hate it.  As soon as I have the opportunity, I take them off.  I don’t want to take the time to figure out how to enjoy wearing them on a regular basis – I just deal with them when I have to and then run as far away from them as I can until they come back to torment me again.  

The same thing is true of people.  If I choose to tolerate you, I’m probably not offering to accept you or engage in a deeper dialog with you.   I’m saying that I’ll let you be because I have to, but I’ll run away from you again as soon as I get the chance.  Tolerance is different from acceptance, no matter what the pundits try to tell you.

And, it frustrates me to no end that every single thing that we say or do has to be put under a microscope to insure that it doesn’t offend anyone.  The latest example of this is the VW Super Bowl commercial.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can read the story here:

Volkswagen Super Bowl Ad Called Racist

The crux of the issue is that the commercial has actors using a fake Jamaican accent, and it is therefore being attacked for being racist.  I’m sorry, but I don’t think that VW has any underlying racist agenda.  Their only agenda for spending this much money on advertising is selling more VWs.  And, you can’t tell me that you’ve never bounced around the house singing “Don’t worry, be happy!” in a fake Jamaican accent.  Were you doing it to be racist?  No! You were doing it because it invoked happy thoughts - which is exactly what VW was trying to do!

So here’s my real question:  Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned respect?

And before you call me intolerant and get offended, let me tell you a little story.  I am a Christian.  My faith in God is at the core of who I am.  It shapes my worldview.  It influences the way that interact with people.  It informs my choices.  So, it might surprise you to know that one of my very best friends (let’s call him Ray) when I was in graduate school was an atheist.  In fact, Ray was literally a card-carrying member of the Secular Humanist Society of America (I saw the card).  What’s more, Ray was a vegan (way before it was cool) and a hard core animal rights activist.  He was the kind of person who would walk by my desk where I was munching on M&Ms and minding my own business and would stop to remind me that innocent cows were tortured to produce the milk that went into making my M&Ms.

But, Ray and I became the best of friends precisely because we recognized our differing viewpoints and RESPECTED each other’s right to hold those views.  We engaged in conversation – and occasionally in heated debates – and through it all we continued to be friends in spite of our disagreements.  Ray introduced me to all sorts of little Indian and Middle Eastern restaurants.  And, I took on the challenge of coming up with just the right ingredients to create some yummy vegan hushpuppies for him to try.

I can’t imagine how many cool things I would have missed out on if I had chosen to go down the path of tolerance instead of respect.  Tolerance would have put up a wall between me and Ray.  Mutual respect drew us into a friendship.  My experience in graduate school would not have been as rich if Ray had chosen to be offended when I talked to him about my faith in God.  Instead, mutual respect allowed us to enter into deeper dialogs about faith and the cultural issues of the day.

I think that we as a culture have set the bar too low when we strive for tolerance above all and when we are forced to filter everything we say to insure that no one is offended.  Instead, I think that we should aim for respect -- instead of looking for a hidden agenda behind every word that is spoken, we should be very slow to take offense.

Imagine how different our world would be if people would live by the following two principles:

“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” – Luke 6:31

“Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness (offense) grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” – Hebrews 12:15

If you’ve read this far, thank you for tolerating my rant, and please forgive me if I’ve offended you…

Perspective

Sometimes my priorities get out of line.  I lose focus on what’s important as I endeavor to deal with the task at hand.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I was in a meeting with one of my mentors at work getting some much needed advice on how to sort out a serious personnel issue.  We were deep into our conversation when my phone rang.  It was my daughter.

I usually ignore my phone when I’m in a meeting – unless it’s one of my kids or their school.  So, I asked if I could take the call quickly, and he said of course.  I finished the conversation with my daughter and turned back to my colleague.  Not five minutes later, she called again.  I started to ignore it, but at the urging of my colleague, I went ahead and answered again.  When I was done, he said , “That’s the most important thing.  Your kids need you, so don’t ever hesitate to take that call.”  And, then he said, “What I wouldn’t give to be interrupted by a phone call from my son just one more time…”

You see, his 19 year old son was killed in a climbing accident about 6 months ago.  He knows how important it is to devote ourselves to the ones we love – to cherish every moment – every interruption.  Because, one day – maybe sooner than we imagine – they’ll be gone.  And, then it will be too late.  He went on to tell me the story of the last time he saw his son, and I had to choke back the tears as we finished up our meeting.

As I was driving home yesterday, I was thinking about how many times I tell my kids to just wait a minute – I’ll pay attention to them when I finish what I’m doing.  How many times do I react with frustration instead of love when they interrupt my over-scheduled, incredibly busy day?  What message is that sending to them?  Do they know how important they are to me?  Do they know how much I love them?  I tell them with my words, but I realized yesterday that I need to do a better job of showing them with my actions and with the way that I spend my time.

I think that we could all stand to adjust our perspective – to learn to cherish every interruption – to savor every moment – to go out of our way to make time to spend with the ones that we love.  Because, one day, we’ll look back and long for the day when little hands were pulling on our aprons or phone calls from our kids were interrupting our meetings…

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” – Colossians 3:14-15

Lessons from Frodo: Perseverance and Partnership

You would never guess it to look at her, but my sweet little 10 year old daughter is a huge Lord of the Rings fan.  She couldn’t wait for the Hobbit movie to be released last month, and on opening day, dressed in her cute pink coat and scarf and her favorite kitty-cat shirt, she waltzed into the movie theater and reveled at the sight of Gandalf, Bilbo, and the gang beating up on orcs and goblins and all other manner of foul creatures.  Her one request over Christmas vacation was to watch ALL of the Lord of the Rings movies again.  And, she and her dad are hard core about the whole thing – They only watch the extended special edition versions which are significantly longer than the originals.

I, on the other hand, am not so fond of the Tolkien trilogy.  I typically make it through about the first third of the movie, then fall asleep, and then wake up again right at the end.  Such was the case last night as we finished up Return of the King.  I woke up just in time to see Frodo struggling up the mountain with Sam cheering him on and encouraging him to destroy the ring.  And, while I know that there are lots of lessons to be learned from these fables, I was really struck by a couple of things as I watched Frodo and Sam sit there on the big rock and watch the world crashing in around them.

The first was Frodo’s perseverance.  He was determined to keep going when most people would have given up or given in.  He was focused on the task that had been given to him.  In this day and age that we live in, we have so many distractions and so many options that it’s easy to just quit what you’re doing and take a different direction.  It’s hard to persevere.  It’s much easier to bounce from one thing to another, never really committing to one particular path. 

You see it with kids who start working on homework only to receive a text message which then leads them to check facebook which reminds them that they wanted to post a photo to instagram which leads to another friend texting them about the photo that they just posted – and three hours later, while they’ve had lots of fun, they still haven’t finished their homework (not that this has ever happened in my house, of course…).

You see it on resumes when interviewing prospects for a job.  On most resumes that I see, the average length of time a person has spent at a single job is 2 or 3 years.  The tendency is to jump from job to job = always looking for something that is more exciting or something that offers more money.  And, while change can be good, there’s something to be said for sticking with the same job for 20-plus years like my parents did back in the day… 

However, the other thing that stands out is that Frodo would never have made it without Sam.  It’s much easier to keep going when you have a friend that will stand beside you and encourage you and even carry you when the going gets tough.  We all need friends who will catch our vision and pursue it right along with us – as if it were their very own.  As Americans, we tend to have a lone-ranger, do-it-myself mentality.  But, when the going gets tough, even the Lone Ranger needs Tonto.  If we can learn how to share our hopes and dreams and burdens and trials with others, we’ll probably experience a lot more success – and we’ll find more joy in the journey as well…

So just remember… There’s not a simple formula for achieving victory, but Frodo has shown us that perseverance and partnership will go a long way towards helping you to get there.

Exodus 17:11-13:  “As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.  When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.  So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.”

My New Year's Confession

Disclaimer:  It's been a long time since I've had the time or inspiration to write, and I hesitated to even publish this little note... But, I needed to write it down as a marker that I can return to as I push into 2013... And, maybe it will speak to others as well...

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I usually look forward to the start of each New Year.  It’s the time to put the old behind you – to forget the past, if you will – and focus on the days ahead.  It’s a time to rekindle your hopes and dreams.  But, this year is different.  I’m just not ready for the New Year - because, somewhere along the way last year, I lost my hope.  And, without hope, the New Year looks kind of dark and scary.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past several days trying to figure out just where – or why – I lost it.  I know that I have to find it again.  Without it, I can’t even begin to think about launching into 2013.  I can’t look deep into my heart and confront the dreams that are buried there because without hope, they just look impossible.

Hope has been defined as “confident expectation.”  And, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve realized that I’ve drifted away from the source of my confidence – Jesus.  I’ve been so busy doing things – most of them good things – that I’ve neglected to nurture my relationship with Him.  The scripture that just keeps coming to mind over and over again is Revelation 2:2-5:  “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false.  You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.  Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.”

Ouch…  Those are not the words that I wanted to hear, yet I know that they describe me.  

So, there you have it – my New Year’s confession – which leads me to my New Year’s resolution.  I resolve to fall back in love with Jesus this year.  It will take time – which is a precious commodity – but it breaks my heart to know that I am breaking the heart of my Savior.  He gave everything for me – He is worthy of my time – He deserves nothing less than my adoration.  He is the source of my hope and the giver of dreams.  And, He is the only One who can make the “new year” new again…