It’s a rare quiet morning in my house. One daughter is sleeping in – one daughter is
away visiting friends – one travelling hubby is at a missions conference – and somehow,
I don’t have anywhere to be. As I sit
here enjoying the stillness, I’m reflecting on the whirlwind of a year that was
2018.
2018 was a year of amazing highs and discouraging lows. It was a year of firsts and lasts. It was a year of new opportunities and closed
doors. But, when I think about 2018, the
first word that comes to mind is “control.”
If there is one thing that 2018 has taught me – it’s that I can’t
control everything. In fact, I might go
so far as to say I can’t control ANYTHING!
You would think I would have figured that out well before I hit my 50’s,
but I think it’s a lesson that can only be learned with time and experience.
There were times in 2018 when things were completely out of
control – too many things going on – too many demands on our time – too many
competing priorities. I felt like one of
those circus acts with all of the spinning plates trying to keep them all in
the air and diving occasionally to catch one before it hit the ground. If I’m honest, there were a lot of those
times.
There were times in 2018 when I just lost control
altogether. The pressure was too much –
the responsibilities were too many – the emotions were too high – and BOOM! I just blew up. It didn’t happen often, and I got it together
pretty quickly, but still – I lost control.
But, the last few months of 2018 have been marked by
learning to surrender control. The
craziness didn’t subside – the responsibilities didn’t disappear – the demands
on our time and our finances didn’t lessen (in fact, they increased
exponentially). However, somewhere along
the way, I stopped trying so hard to control everything and started
surrendering it all to the One who IS in control.
I’ve also learned that surrendering control doesn’t mean
throwing up your hands and waiting to see where all of the pieces land. For example, surrendering control of my
finances doesn’t mean that I don’t work hard.
In fact, I take on extra work every time I get the chance. However, at the end of the day, no matter how
much I work or how much money I make, I can’t control my circumstances. I can’t control the fact that one of our cars
died completely and had to be replaced – at the worst possible time. I can’t control the fact I still haven’t been
paid for work that I did in October – money that was supposed to be used for
tuition payments. I have to do my part –
I have to be a good steward of what I’ve been given – but at the end of the
day, I also have to trust that Philippians 4:19 is true: “ God will
supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Looking back at 2018, we have been the “brokest”
we’ve ever been, but somehow – miraculously – every need has been met and every
bill has been paid.
And, here’s another thing I’ve learned – surrendering control
doesn’t necessarily change your circumstances.
It changes YOU. It’s only when I
stopped trying so hard to control everything that I was able to stop worrying
so much – to find peace – to move towards contentment. I can relate to what Paul says in Philippians
4:11-13:
“For I have learned in
whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and
I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to
be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all
things through Christ who strengthens me.”
I’ve read these verses lots of times. Like many who grew up in church, I have been
able to quote verse 13 since I was young.
As I got older, I also realized that verse 13 is the key to the contentment
Paul describes in verses 10 and 11. But,
this year, I finally realized that I had been putting the emphasis on the wrong
part of this verse.
When I used to read verse 13, I read it with the emphasis on
ME:
I CAN DO ALL THINGS
through Christ who gives ME
strength.
The emphasis was on the fact that I could do it – if I just
worked a little harder – pushed a little more – spent a little less –
sacrificed a little more. And, of course
– Jesus would bless my efforts and help me to keep doing all the things so that
I could keep going until I achieved the outcome I was working towards. The emphasis was on Jesus blessing MY efforts
– MY work – MY ideas. ME was still in
control – with a little help from Jesus.
This year I have realized that I’ve been putting the
emphasis on the wrong part of that verse.
I should have been reading it with the emphasis on CHRIST:
I can do all things THROUGH CHIRST who gives me strength.
When I surrender my work and my plans and my efforts and my
dreams and my stuff and my friends and my family – TO CHRIST – then He will
give me strength to persevere. When I
surrender control to him – no matter how crazy things get – He will carry me
through. He will fill in the gaps where
my effort runs out before the need has been met. He will take care of my family when I’m not
able to be there to take care of them myself.
He will redeem the time when there aren’t enough hours in the week to
get everything done.
It’s one of those interesting paradoxes of the Christian
faith – It’s only when you surrender control that you can find true freedom. After all these years, I think that
truth has finally started to take hold in my heart.
My prayer for the New Year is that all of you will be able
to walk in that same freedom – that you will find peace and contentment – and that
you will learn to surrender control to the One who is truly in control.
“So if the Son sets
you free, you will be free indeed.” – John 8:36
