On being Southern...

There are lots of things in this world that break my heart.  Seeing nine innocent people gunned down in cold blood while they were worshipping God in the safety of their own church breaks my heart.  It would break my heart whether those people were black or white or Asian or Indian.  It would break my heart whether the murder weapon was a gun or a knife or a homemade bomb.  It broke my heart when three Muslim students in Chapel Hill were gunned down over something as stupid as a parking dispute.  It breaks my heart when people in authority abuse and misuse their power resulting in even more death and destruction.  I believe in the sanctity of life – all life – regardless of age or race or gender or sexual orientation.  However, it seems that many in our society today have little regard for value of life, and it breaks my heart.

But, there’s something else that breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart that we live in a society that insists on labeling everything and everyone and then refuses to see past the labels.  The recent shootings in South Carolina have started a massive campaign to essentially ban the public display of the Confederate flag.  And, I will say that I agree that the Confederate flag shouldn’t be flown over government buildings as the “Confederate States of America” no longer exists.  And, I understand that the Confederate flag has been used as a symbol of white supremacy and, as such, offends many people.  However, the point I’d like to make has less to do with the Confederate flag and more to do with labels and stereotyping.

I am a Southern girl – born and raised in the great state of North Carolina.  My family (on both sides) has lived here since this nation was founded.  My daddy grew up on a farm that has been in our family for over 150 years.  My aunt and my cousins still live on that same land.  I am Southern to the core, and I am proud of it.  I have relatives who fought and died in the Civil War (on both sides, actually), and when I see the Confederate flag, it is a reminder of all that was won and lost during that awful time in our country’s history.  It is a reminder that we should NEVER let that kind of upheaval happen again.

I’m Southern, but I don’t own a confederate flag.  I don’t display one on my house – I don’t have one on my license plate – I don’t have the t-shirt.  But, I am friends with people who do.  They are good people.  They are not racists.  They are just proud of their Southern heritage.  This country was founded on freedom of speech and freedom of expression, and I don’t believe that people should be banned from displaying a symbol that is part of their heritage. 

I’m Southern, but I don’t own a gun.  I grew up in a household where my daddy had guns.  He would never have used them to harm someone.  Instead, he used them to protect his cattle from predators and his garden from pesky crows.  And, occasionally, at Christmastime, he would use them to shoot down some mistletoe from high up in the trees so that we could hang it in our house for decoration.  I believe that he has the right to own those guns, and I don’t believe that right should be taken away.  The fact that he owns a gun does not make him a criminal.  How a gun is used is a matter of the heart – not a matter of ownership.

I’m Southern, but I’m not a racist.  I have friends with brown skin and black skin and yellow skin.  I love them all.  I do my best to look at people the way that God looks at people, and He looks at the heart. Growing up, members of the KKK came into our school at one point.  I saw Klan rallies in the darkness of night when I was driving home on the back roads after going to the movies.  I know someone who had a cross burned in their yard.  There is no doubt that racism existed, and still exists, in the South.  But, to be Southern doesn’t mean that you are necessarily racist.  I saw the effects of racism, and I vowed not to let it take hold in my heart or the hearts of my children.  I think that many Southerners of my generation feel the same way.  Racism is a matter of the heart, not a matter of where you were born.

I’m Southern, but I’m not ignorant.  I grew up in a family that valued education.  My parents sacrificed to help me go to college, and I was the first one in my family to earn a PhD.  I am a professor at a major university.  I work hard all day, and I come home and I take care of my family.  I cook dinner and I clean the house (most of the time).  I don’t wear “daisy dukes” and I don’t sit around on the back porch with curlers in my hair swatting flies all day waiting for my man to come home and take care of me – which, thanks to the news media, is the image that comes to mind for many people when they think of Southern women.

I’m Southern, but I’m more than a stereotype.  Please don’t put me in that “Southern” box that you have labeled as ignorant, racist, and gun-toting.  And, I won’t put you in a box either.  Everywhere I look today there are labels, and labels are associated with stereotypes, and stereotypes seldom apply with much generality.  They are caricatures meant to highlight certain features.  They are not images of truth.  The question that I’m struggling with is how can we as a society get rid of all the labels and just love and accept each other for who we are – and not how we’re labeled?  The more we label each other, the more we gravitate towards those with the same label as ours, and the more fragmented our society becomes.  Why can’t this country get back to that great statement from the pledge of allegiance:  “One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all”?  Applying more labels and enacting legislation based on those labels just tears us apart.  The problems that we have in our country right now are not “label” issues – they’re heart issues.  When will we wake up and realize that our problems won’t get better until we address the sinfulness that’s inside of us all?

I’m Southern, and I’m more than a label. 

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” – I Samuel 16:7

A Message for Moms

“The noblest calling in the world is motherhood.  True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions.  She who can paint a masterpiece, or who can write a book that will influence millions, deserves the plaudits and admiration of mankind; but she who successfully raises a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters whose immortal souls will exert influence throughout the ages long after paintings shall have faded, and books and statues shall have decayed or been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God.” – David O. McKay

What a beautiful sentiment – and so true!  Motherhood is indeed a high calling.  But, wow – what a huge responsibility!  It is at the same time humbling and overwhelming to be entrusted with such an enormous task.

As women, we have a diversity of talents and gifts and callings – but when we have children, we also assume the sacred calling of motherhood.  This calling is all-consuming.  It sometimes requires you to put down other things – to prioritize your family over your work or your hobby or your favorite volunteer cause.  This putting aside of other things is necessary, and we do it willingly, understanding the importance of raising our children to love God and love others and to become good citizens of the world when they grow up.

But, if I’m really honest with myself, sometimes it feels like I have gotten swallowed up in my identity as a mom.  It feels like I’ve lost a bit of who I used to be – who I wanted to be – who I thought I would be at this point in my life.  And, just for a minute, I feel a bit of sadness for what isn’t.  But, then I remember – To everything, there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3).  And, this season of motherhood – this season when I have all of my children under my roof and in the intimate sphere of my influence – is a short one.  Just a few short years, and they’re gone – launched into the world with a hug and a prayer – off to follow their own dreams and discover their own callings.

So, we embrace this precious season – but in the embracing, we have to be careful not to let our identity – our worth – get wrapped up in our motherhood.  We must not fall prey to comparing ourselves to others.  We must not listen to the lie that we are not good mothers – because the lie will surely come – from the voice inside our heads or the voices that come at us from the media, from friends, and even from family.  We can’t let the failures – or the successes – of our children define us or be used as the measuring stick of our success as a mother.  The only one who can judge our success as mothers is our heavenly Father.  His approval is all that we need.  And, He gives His approval generously and graciously, applauding us when things are going well and carrying us when they’re not.  He is the One who sees the sacrifices that we make that no one else sees.  He knows the hours spent in prayer, the sleepness nights when our children need us by their bedside, the long days caring for them and helping them with their homework and driving them to soccer practice.  Only He can see into our hearts and know the depth of our love for our children. 

We need to give ourselves the same grace that we would give to those around us.  So what if the house isn’t clean – or the kids didn’t have a new outfit for picture day – or the cupcakes that were sent in to school for a birthday came from Target and weren’t homemade.  Those things don’t mean that we’ve failed as mothers.  They just mean that we’re human.  Maybe they mean that you’ve prioritized your relationships with God and your family above some of the more mundane tasks of motherhood.  Or, maybe they just mean that your schedule is filled to overflowing and that you cannot take on even one more thing.  God looks on the heart and He knows and He understands – and believe it or not, our children know, too.  They understand.  And, they love us anyway – even though they may not always show it.

So, when we’re feeling weary – or we’re tempted to say “I can’t” or “I’m not good enough” or “I’m the worst mom ever,” we need to remember Hebrews 13: 20-21 that says, “Now may the God of peace… strengthen (complete, perfect) and make you what you ought to be and equip you with everything good that you may carry out His will; [while He Himself] works in you and accomplishes that which is pleasing in His sight.”  In other words, God will give us everything we need to do the thing that He has called us to do.  Instead of giving in to discouragement when things are spiraling out of our control, we need to declare that He has given us everything we need to be a mom.  We don’t have to do it on our own.  We can rest in the knowledge that God has called us and He has equipped us and He will carry us through this season as we work at the high calling of motherhood.

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one.” -- Anonymous

 

Don't stop asking...

When I was a young adult, the million dollar question was always, “What do I want to be when I grow up? What do I want to do with my life?” or, to put it another way, “What does God want me to do with my life?  What is God’s will for my life?”  And, looking back, I think that I really believed that there was one golden answer to that question and if I could only find that answer, I would be set on a clear course for the rest of my life.  However, I realize now that it’s really not that simple.  Answering the question “What should I do with my life?” is not a one-time deal.  It’s an on-going process.  And, while you may have a relatively clear overarching theme for your life, the details of how that theme will play itself out change over time – leaving you to ask the question again and again as you grow and learn and mature.

Maybe I’m having a mid-life crisis – or maybe I’ve just been motivated by the things that I’ve been reading and hearing and seeing recently – but I’ve spent a lot of time asking myself “What exactly is it that I’m supposed to be doing right now?  In light of all that’s happening in the world, how should I be responding?  Because, somehow it just doesn’t feel right to sit idly by and watch as the world we live in plunges further and further into chaos…”

Should I pray?  Always!  Without ceasing…

Should I give more?  Absolutely!  We are blessed beyond measure and called to generosity…

Should I do more to raise awareness?  Of course. 

But, somehow –while all of those things are good – they don’t seem quite good enough – at least not now – at least not for me…

Eugene Cho recently said, “Awareness, in itself, is action, but we must make sure that it isn’t the totality of our action.  Awareness must lead to change – not just to the world but especially to me.”

Those statements ring so true to me.  Technology has made us more aware than ever of the suffering that’s going on in the world, but in some ways, I think that it’s made us more complacent.  We see it – We feel bad about it – We post on facebook about how terrible it is – We tweet a 140 character commentary about it with a special hashtag that binds us together in solidarity with others who have similar concerns – And, then, we go on about our lives and that thing that seemed so atrocious last week slips quietly into the recesses of our mind where it becomes a distant memory instead of a call to action.

I’ve had a lot of time to think over the past week, and I’ve realized that I’ve gotten a bit too comfortable with where I am.  When I look at the spectrum of doing nothing to sacrificing it all for the sake of a cause, I’m probably somewhere in the middle – which isn’t necessarily bad.  But, I think that I may have settled for “good enough” instead of going the extra mile and striving for “the best.” 

I feel like God is saying:  “Contend for the best!  Don’t slow down!  Don’t give up!  The world needs you.  It needs your unique talents and gifts.  It needs you to do the messy work of getting involved.  There are people out there who need the Good News that you have to share.  They need to know that there’s hope when their world seems hopeless.  They need to know that there is peace when their world is filled with war and violence.  They need to know that there is pure love when they have been lured from their families into a life of forced prostitution. They need to know that there is provision when they are surrounded by famine and poverty.  And, they need to know the source of that hope and love and peace and provision.  They need to be introduced to a God that loves then unconditionally.  They need you to be the hands and feet of God reaching out in love with a message of hope and redemption.” 

So, now is not the time to stop asking that age-old question:  “What should I do with my life?”  There’s always more, and the best is yet to come.  Don’t settle.  Don’t get complacent.  It’s time for all of us to “kick it up a notch” if we want to make an impact on the world around us.

I’ll leave you with the words of David Platt:  “…Don’t underestimate what God will do in and through one person, one family, or one church for the spread of the gospel and the sake of his glory in our culture… Do these things with the unshakable conviction that God has put you in this culture at this time for a reason.  He has called you to himself, he has saved you by his son, he has filled you with his Spirit, he has captured you with his love, and he is compelling you by his Word to counter our culture by proclaiming his Kingdom, not worried about what it will cost you because you are confident that God himself is your great reward.”  -- from A Compassionate Call to Counter

God is Good

There is one thing I know and it is this:  that God is good and His love never fails.  For the past couple of days, I have been completely overwhelmed with a sense of the knowledge of God’s goodness, and it is wrecking me.  It’s as if He has plunged me into the ocean and opened my eyes and said – “Look around – Explore the height and width and breadth of my love for you.  Taste and see that I am truly good.”  It takes my breath away.  It moves me to tears.  It fills me with wonder.  Waves of His goodness are crashing into the weary places of my soul, and I am undone.

And, then the other voice comes – the one that tries to bring doubt and confusion and condemnation.  How can you say that God is good?  Have you read the headlines in the news today?  How do you know that God is good?  What has He done for you lately? 

But, I know. God is good – in spite of the headlines.  God is good – even when my prayers seem to go unanswered.

God is good not because of what He does or doesn’t do.  God is good because of who He is.  He is Yaweh – the great I AM – creator of the universe – defender of the weak – lover of the unlovely – near to those who call on Him – an ever present constant in all of life’s circumstances.

God was good when Jim Elliott stepped onto that beach in Ecuador and was martyred by the very people he had come to help.  God is good when KaraTippetts lies in her bed, dying of cancer, and writing about how to live well and love well.  God is good when you get the news that you finally got that big raise at work.  And, God is good when your family is happy and healthy and enjoying life together.

Paul said it like this in Philippians 4:12 – 13 (MSG):   “I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Our circumstances are not the barometer of God’s goodness.  Instead, it is His goodness that enables us to navigate through all of life’s circumstances with the confidence that He is working all things together for our good.

There is one thing I know and it is this:  that God is good and His love never fails.  Selah.