Loneliness and Community

Loneliness – It’s a strange emotion. Some people equate loneliness with being alone, but I sometimes feel the loneliest when I’m in a crowd. Some people think that loneliness is a terrible thing, but I believe that occasionally feeling lonely can be a good thing.

I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness this week. My husband was away for an extended trip out of the country with very limited ability to communicate with us here at home. When he’s away on these trips, I usually experience a range of emotions. Sometimes I just feel alone. When I’m the only one here to take responsibility for household issues and childcare issues, it can be hard – and without him, I feel alone, like I’ve been left to fend for myself. I have an incredible network of friends and family who are here to help me, but sometimes, I just can’t shake that feeling of being left alone to deal with it all.

This trip was a little different for me. Things ran fairly smoothly on the homefront (which isn’t always the case). I didn’t feel so alone. However, this time, I did feel profoundly lonely the whole time he was gone. I just couldn’t escape the loneliness. I was missing that connection that I have with him that has come from years of sharing all of the ups and downs of life together.

In my case, I was lonely – and I knew why. And, I knew that when my husband came home, much of my loneliness would go away. In my case, loneliness wasn’t such a bad thing. It reminded me how much I love my husband and how important that relationship is to me.

But, sometimes loneliness is symptomatic of a bigger problem. Sometimes loneliness can be overwhelming – and it can lead to sadness and depression and a host of other issues. And, based on some of the things that I’ve seen and heard recently, loneliness is becoming something of an epidemic in our society. Our youth pastor made a great observation on his blog this week after spending the weekend at camp with our teens. He said, “I was amazed to see how this generation that is so connected (via mobile phones, social media, etc) can also be so lonely.” That is such a true statement! In fact, I believe that Facebook and Twitter can actually contribute to a feeling of loneliness since they provide the illusion of friendship and connectedness without the accompanying emotional connection that is also needed and desired.

The truth of the matter is that we were created for fellowship. Adam was created to fellowship with God in the garden. But, after surveying the situation, God also created Eve because He said that it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). There is a place deep within each of us that desires relationship – that desires to be understood and accepted just the way we are. I think that this is one of the reasons why community is so vital to us as believers. It’s one of the reasons that the church – in spite of all of its problems – is so important. It’s one of the reasons why we need to love our church and strive to be a church that truly loves others.

If I hear someone at church saying that they don’t feel “plugged in” or don’t feel like they’re really “a part” of the community, I’m the first one to encourage them to take a little action and find some opportunities to get involved. However, as the church, I think that we also have a responsibility to make sure that we don’t leave people sitting in the shadows just outside the realm of true fellowship. You never know what’s going on in someone’s heart or their life. That cheery exterior could be hiding a deep and profound loneliness that can only be soothed by meaningful relationships.

There is a verse in Psalms that I love, and I’ve always thought of it in the context of adoption. But, I think that it can also be applied to the church. It says: “God sets the lonely in families.” (Psalm 68:6a) Imagine what a difference we - as the church - could make if we really took that verse to heart…

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” – Hebrews 10:25

Follow

“Where you go, we will follow… Where you go, we will follow…” I was happily singing those words at the top of my lungs right along with the David Crowder Band, when I distinctly heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “Really?” I stopped singing, and my response was, “Of course – I want to do Your will – I want to follow You.” I heard the voice again: “Really? Will you REALLY follow me? Wherever I lead? Without question?” I wasn’t so quick to answer this time, because if I’m honest with myself, I know that my first answer wasn’t entirely true. My intention – my desire – has always been to follow. But, I’m not so sure that I’ve lived up to that goal.

Over the course of my life, I’ve had lots of dreams and plans. And, I’ve prayed about those plans, and I’ve tried to hear God’s voice. But, so often, as I’ve started down a particular path, I’ve run ahead and then stopped only to say to God, “Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. I’ve got this now.” And, I’ve taken off without even looking back.

I don’t think that I’ve veered too far away from God’s plan, but if I’m truthful, I’m not sure how quickly I would adjust my course if God suddenly told me that I needed to make a sharp right turn.

The thing is, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to really question the value of what I’m doing with my life. There was a point when I thought I had all the time in the world. But now, when I look at my life, I’m starting to think more about my legacy than what lies ahead of me. I’ve got a wonderful husband, beautiful children, and an all around great life. But, what impact have I had on my world? How many people have I influenced for the Kingdom of God? And, what am I really willing to sacrifice in order to follow wherever God leads?

Those are the questions that haunt me when I stop long enough to listen…

To be content...

Contentment – It sometimes feels like an elusive dream for me. It’s something I long for but seldom experience. But, when it does happen, it’s the most awesome thing in the world. I was out of town on business for the past several days, and it was quite a trip. I got to fly on the corporate jet. I got to rub elbows with some pretty important and influential people. I got to stay at one of the nation’s premier ski resorts. Some would look at that experience and say, “Wow! You’ve got it made – You’re living the American dream!” And, to some extent, I guess that’s true. But, did I find contentment in those things? Not at all. In fact, I was pretty stressed for most of the trip.

However, tonight I’m back home and I’m sitting quietly on my couch. I can hear one daughter playing music in the office. I can hear laughter coming from the bonus room where my husband and my other daughter are playing Wii with our friend Ian. I can smell warm, chocolate-y goodness coming from the cookies that are baking in the oven. And, I am content. There is a peaceful feeling that has settled in around me, and I would love nothing more than to stay here just basking in it forever.

But, tomorrow morning, the alarm clock will ring at 5:30am. I’ll hit the ground running, and the next thing I know, this contented feeling will have vanished like vapor in the wind. But, for now, I’m going to soak in all of this sweet contentment. I’m going to burn it into my memory. Just like the children of Israel would build altars to remind them of God’s goodness at certain times in their history, I’m going to let this time serve as an altar in my mind to help me find that place of contentment even when life is coming at me fast and furious.

Thank you, Lord, for times of refreshing, for sweet contentment, and for the peace that can only be found in You...