Loneliness – It’s a strange emotion. Some people equate loneliness with being alone, but I sometimes feel the loneliest when I’m in a crowd. Some people think that loneliness is a terrible thing, but I believe that occasionally feeling lonely can be a good thing.
I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness this week. My husband was away for an extended trip out of the country with very limited ability to communicate with us here at home. When he’s away on these trips, I usually experience a range of emotions. Sometimes I just feel alone. When I’m the only one here to take responsibility for household issues and childcare issues, it can be hard – and without him, I feel alone, like I’ve been left to fend for myself. I have an incredible network of friends and family who are here to help me, but sometimes, I just can’t shake that feeling of being left alone to deal with it all.
This trip was a little different for me. Things ran fairly smoothly on the homefront (which isn’t always the case). I didn’t feel so alone. However, this time, I did feel profoundly lonely the whole time he was gone. I just couldn’t escape the loneliness. I was missing that connection that I have with him that has come from years of sharing all of the ups and downs of life together.
In my case, I was lonely – and I knew why. And, I knew that when my husband came home, much of my loneliness would go away. In my case, loneliness wasn’t such a bad thing. It reminded me how much I love my husband and how important that relationship is to me.
But, sometimes loneliness is symptomatic of a bigger problem. Sometimes loneliness can be overwhelming – and it can lead to sadness and depression and a host of other issues. And, based on some of the things that I’ve seen and heard recently, loneliness is becoming something of an epidemic in our society. Our youth pastor made a great observation on his blog this week after spending the weekend at camp with our teens. He said, “I was amazed to see how this generation that is so connected (via mobile phones, social media, etc) can also be so lonely.” That is such a true statement! In fact, I believe that Facebook and Twitter can actually contribute to a feeling of loneliness since they provide the illusion of friendship and connectedness without the accompanying emotional connection that is also needed and desired.
The truth of the matter is that we were created for fellowship. Adam was created to fellowship with God in the garden. But, after surveying the situation, God also created Eve because He said that it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). There is a place deep within each of us that desires relationship – that desires to be understood and accepted just the way we are. I think that this is one of the reasons why community is so vital to us as believers. It’s one of the reasons that the church – in spite of all of its problems – is so important. It’s one of the reasons why we need to love our church and strive to be a church that truly loves others.
If I hear someone at church saying that they don’t feel “plugged in” or don’t feel like they’re really “a part” of the community, I’m the first one to encourage them to take a little action and find some opportunities to get involved. However, as the church, I think that we also have a responsibility to make sure that we don’t leave people sitting in the shadows just outside the realm of true fellowship. You never know what’s going on in someone’s heart or their life. That cheery exterior could be hiding a deep and profound loneliness that can only be soothed by meaningful relationships.
There is a verse in Psalms that I love, and I’ve always thought of it in the context of adoption. But, I think that it can also be applied to the church. It says: “God sets the lonely in families.” (Psalm 68:6a) Imagine what a difference we - as the church - could make if we really took that verse to heart…
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” – Hebrews 10:25
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