Lessons Learned from "Hamilton"

 “Hamilton” is the hottest ticket in town these days.  My kids have been begging to see it since it first debuted on Broadway.  So, imagine their excitement when they learned that the touring company was stopping at our local theater.  I knew that tickets would be hard to get, so I signed up for every early access option that I could find, and I managed to score four tickets to the show.  Yay, Mom!

But, here’s the thing…  While I love Broadway shows, I really wasn’t super interested in seeing Hamilton.  I had heard a lot about it.  I had listened to the hype.  I had read about the political divisiveness that had been on display at some of the shows.  I knew that the musical style was not something that I generally preferred.  So, I put on my “good mom” hat and went to the show yesterday with really low expectations.

Fast forward to this afternoon…. I’m not sure that I’ve ever had such a drastic and immediate change of heart as I did when I saw “Hamilton.”  I was absolutely blown away by the show.  It was far and away the best Broadway show that I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen quite a few.  Where I expected to find revisionist history, I found an accurate retelling of the story of the birth of our nation.  Where I expected my ears to be offended by the hip hop music, I found an amazing breadth and depth of musical styles that perfectly fit the story that was being told.  While I expected an overt political message, I found a thoughtful presentation that simply encouraged the audience to think about today’s political issues in light of the past.  The show left me in tears, and I almost never cry at movies or plays. 

I’m still thinking about the show this afternoon – not only revisiting the story and the songs and the images, but also examining my heart and asking some hard questions of myself.  How often do I approach someone or something with a set of preconceived notions?  How often do I approach a conversation with “low expectations?”  How often do I put up walls because I think that I know what someone or something is all about?  What am I missing as a result of passing judgment before taking time to fully engage and understand?

I’d like to think that I don’t do those things, but I know that I do to some extent.  All of us do.  But, what if we were willing to open our hearts and our minds – and what if we were willing to take down the walls…. What if we were willing to observe and listen and learn and let our guard down?  We might be surprised to find that our expectations are completely blown away and replaced with something new and better.

A wise woman once said, “If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that sometimes our assumptions and preconceived notions are wrong, and therefore, our interpretation of events is incorrect.  This causes us to overreact, to take things personally, or to judge people unfairly.”

“Hamilton” has inspired me to do my best to approach the world without any preconceived expectations (and to read the biographies of Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr!).

Answering the question "Who am I" in the age of identity politics

Who am I?  It’s a fundamental question that we all ask ourselves at some point.  Who am I – really?  What does it mean to be me?  It’s a question that needs to be answered as we are growing up and maturing and trying to discover our purpose and our passion.  We need to understand what makes us unique.  We need to understand our gifts and talents and all the things that have prepared us to do the thing that we were created to do.

So, it’s no surprise that we begin to define ourselves by those characteristics that make us unique.  When asked who we are, we say things like:  “I am a woman.  I am Caucasian.  I am a Christian.  I am an introverted math nerd.  I am a teacher.  I am a musician.  I am a good cook.  I am a mom.  I am a wife.”  You get the picture.

But here’s the problem.  When we begin to find our identity – our self worth – our value as a person – in those characteristics that we use to define ourselves, we can begin to lose sight of the things that bind us together with everyone else on the planet.  When we identify more strongly with the things that make us different than everyone else – our gender, our race, our religion, our sexual orientation, our political preference – than with the things that make us the same, we understandably begin to take it very personally when we see or hear things that question or demean or criticize or disagree with these characteristics.

Don’t get me wrong – I am in no way saying it’s right or ok for anyone to hurt you or put you down or treat you as “less than” because of the things that make you uniquely you.  In fact, I abhor the hateful rhetoric that seems to plague our country these days.  But, what I AM saying is that, while you can’t control the rhetoric, you CAN control how you react to it.

When your identity is bound up in your gender or race or sexual orientation, it’s not a surprise that you feel every hateful word and action as if it’s a personal attack on WHO YOU ARE.  If the thing that I identify with most strongly is being a woman, then I feel every demeaning comment made about women on social media as if it were directed at me. I feel like I have personally been overlooked or undervalued when I see another woman being passed over for a promotion.  I feel these things even if they haven’t been part of my experience.  I feel these things a hundred times over if they have.

As long as we live in a fallen world, we can’t change the fact that there are hateful people in the world who will do horrible hateful things and spew horrible hateful words every time they get the chance.  Unfortunately, “evil” is just as much of a reality as “good.”  But, the more that I’ve thought about this, the more that I believe that the way to neutralize the rhetoric is to realize where our true identity lies.  If we know that our true identity is NOT found in our gender or our race or our political preference, then when the hateful words come, we don’t feel it as a personal attack on who we are.  

For example – Suppose that you are driving down the road and see a car run a red light and hit another car.  You will be shocked – upset – concerned.  You might call the police or even stop to help.  But, your reaction will be calm and your focus will be on the person who was hit by the car.  Now, suppose that you are the person in the intersection, and a car runs a red light and hits your car.  Not only will you be shocked and upset – you will probably be angry and irritated and worried.  Once you find out that you are ok, your attention will turn to making sure that the person who hit you pays for the damages and that your car gets fixed.  You are on the defensive and you are focused on protecting you.

While it may be a bit of an oversimplification, the same idea applies when we see someone say something offensive about a woman or a person of color or a homosexual person.  If your identity is bound up in that aspect of your being, then you take those comments personally.  You become angry and upset and defensive.  Something rises up in you that wants to lash out at that person and everyone “like them.”  But, if your identity is found in something bigger – something more universal – then your reaction can be different because it comes from a different place.  You feel the sting of those words.  You have compassion for the one who is being mistreated.  You desire to see justice and do everything you can to defend that person who was wronged.  But your reaction comes from a different place.  It comes from a place of proactively reaching out to help and serve others rather than defensively trying to protect yourself. 

So, back to the age old question – Who am I?  Who am I, really?  Where does my worth come from?  For me, the answer is Jesus.  I know He loves me – He loves me so much that He gave His life for me.  I am valuable because He created me.  Before I was even born, He had a plan and a purpose for me.  And, nothing that anyone says or does can change that.  I am confident in my identity – even when the good ole boys network passes me by for the promotion year after year – even when the man on the street catcalls when I walk by – even when I see people in leadership demean and ridicule women.  Does it bother me when I see those things?  Yes.  Do I want to help and defend women?  Yes.  Do I take it personally and feel like I am “less than” because of those things?  No. Do I become angry and defensive? No.  Do I lash out with hateful words of my own?  No – because at my core, I know who I am.  And, who I am is defined by love, not hate.  Who I am is defined by compassion, not revenge.  Who I am is more concerned with serving others than defending myself or being “right.”

And, even if your worldview is different than mine, you can still lead with love – You can still look for the things that make all of us the same rather than focusing so much on the things that make us different.  It doesn’t mean that we can’t celebrate our diversity – We should!  But, if we can shift our perspective even a few degrees so that our focus is on loving and serving others rather than protecting and defending ourselves, I believe that the world would be a better place…

Hold On Lightly

We are taught from a young age to hold on tightly to things that are important.  An ice cream cone comes with the admonition:  “Hold on to it!  Don’t drop it!”  A gift of money comes with “Hold on to it!  Put it in your pocket so you won’t lose it!”   When handed a cup of milk, the words “Don’t drop it!  Hold on to it with both hands!” echo through the air.

No wonder it’s so hard for us when we have to let go of something – especially when it’s something valuable or something that we love.

Last week, I had some money in my pocket – a hundred dollar bill to be exact.  Someone had given it to me as a gift.  I was holding on to it with plans of using it for some extra expenses I knew were coming in the next few days – expenses that I wouldn’t be able to cover out of my monthly budget.

But, as I was sitting in church on Sunday morning, I heard a little voice telling me that I needed to give my hundred dollar bill to someone – let’s call him Simon.  I knew that Simon needed that money – but so did I.  It was MY hundred dollar bill.  Every time I looked at Simon, I felt more and more convinced that I needed to give him the money, but my mind was fighting me every step of the way. 

Then, I heard the little voice say, “You have to hold on lightly.” 

“Wait – that can’t be right.  It’s hold on t-i-g-h-t-l-y.”

“No.  You heard me.  You have to hold on lightly.  You have to be willing to let go.”

“I’m sure that I need to hold on tightly.  This money was a gift to me, and I need it.”

“No.  Hold on lightly.  Be willing to let go.  Trust me.  When you let go, I take care of the rest.”

This conversation went on for quiet a while, but I finally decided to listen to the little voice.  I handed the hundred dollar bill to Simon, knowing that it was never really mine in the first place.  The tears in his eyes when I put the money into his hand told me that I had done the right thing.

I have another precious gift that I’ve held tightly for 18 years.  She was placed into my arms as a tiny baby, and I’ve held her and watched her grow and worried about her and prayed for her and dreaded the day when she would leave me.  That day is finally here.  She leaves for college next week.  She’s moving to another state.  It’s a hard 9-hour drive to get there.

And, I hear that same little voice saying, “You have to hold her lightly.”

“That can’t be right. I have to take care of her.  I have to protect her.  I have to hold her t-i-g-h-t-l-y.”

“No.  You heard me.  You have to hold her lightly.  You have to let her go.  You have to release her into my care and know that I will look after her.  When you let go, I take care of the rest.  It’s time.”

So, next week, I will let her go, knowing that she was never really mine in the first place.  She was entrusted into my care for a season precisely so that she could leave when the time was right.  God has great plans for her – plans that she can never accomplish if I hold on too tightly.

Letting go is hard, but it's the right thing to do.  So hold on lightly....

Turning down the volume

Most of the time, I love technology.  I worked in a high tech company for almost 15 years, and I still work with high end software on a daily basis.  Technology allows me to do things today that I only dreamed of when I finished my graduate degree in the mid-90’s.

 

But sometimes, I wish we could go back to the “good ole days” – before everyone had the internet – before e-mail and social media – before the 24-hour news cycle.  Sometimes, I wish I could turn it all off because the constant stream of news and images and information and opinions is overwhelming.  It comes too fast and it’s too much to process.  There isn’t time to think or ask questions or seek the truth.  There’s barely enough time to react before the next thing comes hurtling at you from 50 different directions.

We wonder why so many people these days are stressed and anxious and depressed.  I think the constant stream of information has something to do with it.  We know too much.  Once you see the images of children being taken from their parents or the aftermath of a mass shooting or the devastation from a natural disaster, you become responsible for “doing something” with that information.  But, it’s too much for us to bear on our own.  The problems are big and complicated.  They don’t have simple solutions, yet we are compelled to try to help – to make the world a better place.  And, we become frustrated and discouraged when it seems like nothing we are doing is making a difference.

Add to that the fact that everyone who has an opinion can now share it freely and openly on social media.  I believe we should have that right, but we should use it responsibly.  Weren’t we all taught from a very young age that “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”? The battle of words often leaves a trail of destruction that runs much deeper than any of us care to admit.

Think about the young person who is trying to develop their own opinions on life and faith and politics.  Where does it leave them when they see people that they love and respect line up on opposite sides of an issue and tear each other down in a public forum (rather than working together to find that common ground)?  I’ll tell you where it leaves them – It leaves them hurt and confused and wondering whether truth even exists anymore.  It leaves them crying in their bedroom because the world is a crazy place and the people who are supposed to be guiding them through this journey are too busy fighting to come together and lead.

There’s a part of me that wants to turn it all off and close my eyes and check out of the conversation.  But, I know that this is the world that my kids have to navigate.  It’s their reality.  It’s what my students are dealing with on a daily basis.  It’s what keeps them up at night.  That’s why I have to live in it too – so that I can understand when they come to me with hard questions that need serious answers.

I’m not sure if there’s a way to turn down the volume on all of the noise that’s coming at us 24/7.  But, I CAN turn up the volume on other things – things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy.  Phillippians 4 tells me that if I think on THOSE things, the God of peace will be with me.  And, ultimately, He’s the only one who holds the solution to all of the “crazy” in the world.

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is Higher than I.”  (Psalms 61:2)

Don't be afraid to be generous...

I like to think of myself as a generous person.  I try to live my life with an open heart and open hands and an open home.  I’ve been blessed throughout my life and haven’t had to want for much.  And, I’ve always wanted to use what I have to bless others.

My mom taught us to be generous from an early age.  She taught kindergarten and first grade in a poor rural school district.  She had kids in her class who didn’t have much.  They came to school in tattered clothes.  They didn’t have coats to wear when it got cold outside.  And, there wasn’t enough left at Christmastime for turkey and a tree – much less for presents for the kids. 

I remember this so clearly.  One year there was a child in her class whose family was having a particularly rough time.  They were farmers who were barely making enough to get by.  At Christmas that year, my mom had me and my sister go through our toys and pick out a few things that we could give to the children in that family.  Then, she went and bought them a turkey and bought gloves, hats, and scarves for the kids.  But, here’s the part that I remember the most.  We took the boxes of toys and food and delivered them to this family.  When we got to their house, it was literally falling down.  The boards on the porch were rotting and broken.  There were cracks in the walls that were big enough to see through.  It was the first time I really remember seeing poverty, and it was such a stark contrast to my warm cozy home.

The thing is – we weren’t rich ourselves.  We bought our clothes at the second-hand store.  We didn’t drive a new car or take luxurious vacations.  We always had enough, but we didn’t always have extra.  But, my mom always found a way to share what we did have with others who needed it – whether it was students who weren’t going to have Christmas or shut-ins that didn’t have family close by and weren’t going to have Thanksgiving dinner.

Fast forward to 2017.  This year has been a tough year financially for my family.  We had a couple of months where it was a struggle to make ends meet.  Plus, we have a lot of expenses coming up over the next few months as daughter number one is heading off to college in another state.  And, I’ve found myself holding on a little too tightly to what I have.  The “what-ifs” in my mind have been screaming so loudly that they have started to drown out that still small voice calling me to love my neighbor as myself.

You see, it’s relatively easy to be generous when you’re giving out of your abundance.  But, it’s a whole different thing when giving costs you something – when writing that check to help someone else might cost you something that you want or need.  It’s like the story of the widow’s mite in Luke 21:1-4.  Others were giving large offerings, but she only put in two coins.  Her offering didn’t look like much in comparison.  But, Jesus said “The plain truth is that this widow has given by far the largest offering today. All these others made offerings that they’ll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford—she gave her all!”

So, here’s the lesson that I’m learning:  Don’t let fear prevent you from being generous.  Don’t let fear be the loudest voice in your life.  Don’t let fear drive your decisions on how to steward the gifts that God has given to you.  Instead, put love in the driver’s seat.  Let that be your lens as you consider the world around you.  And, ultimately, “perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) 

That’s why, in this season of giving, I’m reminding myself to lead with love – to give generously without expecting anything in return – and to trust the One who is the giver of all good gifts because I know that He cares for me. 

Lessons still to be learned...

Like many of you, my heart is heavy with the weight of what is happening in our country right now.  And, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I should respond – and, more specifically how I as a Christian should respond.  And, I don’t really have a good answer yet.  Some say that we should pray – and we should.  But, I don’t think that’s enough.  I think that this situation requires action.  Some say we should engage in the political process – and we should.  But, that’s complicated.  Some say we should condemn the actions of the white supremacists, and we should.  But, we can’t do that in such a way that we respond to hatred with more hatred. 

While I don’t have all of the answers, I do have a few thoughts…

First, try as we might, we’ll never be able to “legislate away” racism and hatred.  It doesn’t matter who gets elected president or what laws get passed or what statues get torn down.  The reality is that hatred is rooted deep in the heart.  Luke 6:45 says, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.  What you say flows from what is in your heart.”  Hatred and prejudice and racism flow from the heart.  They don’t flow from the government or the environment in which you live or even from the color of your skin.  The events that unfolded in Charlottesville this week were birthed out of the evil in the hearts of the protestors.  As a nation, we can, and we should, take steps to move us away from hatred and towards unity and equality.  But, it will never happen until we address the issue of the heart.       

Second, no matter how evil or vile or hateful the behavior, we always have to respond from a position of love.  The Bible is pretty clear about this point. Christ’s love compels us to love others (even – or especially – our enemies).  Romans 12:17-21 says it this way:  “Never pay back evil with more evil.  Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.  Dear friends, never take revenge.  Leave that to the righteous anger of God.  For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.  Instead, ‘If your enemies are hungry, feed them.  If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.’  Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

So, how do we do that from a practical perspective?  I think one way is to dial back the rhetoric.  There has to be a way to have a civil dialog about the issues without resorting to all of the name calling that seems to be spewing from every side.  We obviously have to condemn the hateful actions of white supremacist groups, but when we move from there to pointing fingers at our friends on Facebook and hurling insults at people who have a different political affiliation, we are just making room for hate to strengthen its grip.  The bottom line is that whatever we’re doing as a country right now just doesn’t seem to be working.  What if we took a radical cue from the teachings of Jesus and tried to find a way to love our enemies?  What if we not only prayed for the victims but also for the haters?  What if, instead of calling them names, we offered them a cup of cold water? What if that’s the key to changing the heart…

Which brings me to my last (and perhaps most important) point:  We have to engage on a personal level.  And, I don’t mean joining in on the protests or counter-protests.  The more I think about it, the more I believe that healing will only come to our hearts and to our nation if we, as individuals, engage with other individuals who are different from us.  We need to spend time with people who have skin that is a different color from ours.  We need to worship with those who come from different cultures.  We need to eat a meal with those who come at life from a different perspective.  We need to reach across social and political and economic boundaries to develop real friendships with real people who are different from us.  When you really get to know someone on a personal level – when you enter into their world with the goal of understanding – it becomes much harder to hate and much easier to love.

I have a vivid memory from my teenaged years.  I was driving home on some back country roads late one evening, and I passed a KKK rally that was happening in a field not too far from my home.  It was like a scene out of a movie – a big bonfire with a circle of men in white hoods circled around it.  It terrified me.  The image is burned into my mind.  When I saw the pictures of the Charlottesville protestors marching through town with their torches, my mind flashed back to that memory – and it made me sick.  I thought we had come further.  I thought we were passed the days when this kind of hatred could be put on public display.  I thought we had changed. 

But, the truth is that we haven’t changed.  All of us have buried deep within us the potential for evil – the propensity to hate.  But, I have good news.  Love triumphs over hate every time.   Love wins.

In the words of Jesus:  “ I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

Lessons from a Mother's Love

Before I had children, I had a lot of ideas about parenting.  I may have even been a little judgmental of some parents, thinking that “I would never do that” or “I would NEVER let my child do that.”  But, then I had a child – and everything I ever thought I knew or understood about parenting went right out the window.

I found out that parenting is hard.  I found out that reading “how to” books on parenting and putting those principles into practice are two very different things.  I found out that parenting is the most all-consuming, confusing, overwhelming, frustrating, rewarding, amazing, fantastic job on the planet.  And, being a parent has taught me more about God and His love for us than any sermon that I’ve ever heard (sorry all you preachers out there).

It’s hard to understand unconditional love.  And, honestly, I don’t think that we as humans here in this fallen world will ever be able to offer completely unconditional love to others.  But, the love that I have for my children comes pretty close.  When they disobey, I may get angry and I may discipline them, but I still love them.  When they are rude, my feelings may be hurt, but I still love them.  When they get in trouble at school or make a bad grade or treat their friends poorly, I may be frustrated and disappointed, but I still love them.  And, when they are good and sweet and kind, I love them just the same.

When my children need me, I drop what I’m doing and do everything in my power to help them.  I have gone without sleep and without meals and without things that I really wanted in order to make sure that they were taken care of – and I don’t have any regrets.  I’m not keeping a running tab that I pull out from time to time to remind them of all that I’ve sacrificed for them.  I count it a privilege and a joy to have been entrusted with the care of these two precious girls.

The thing that I’m learning right now during these teenage years is that I hurt when they hurt.  If they are carrying a burden, I carry it too.  When they are wronged, I feel that wrong just as deeply.  My heart breaks when they are sad and it rejoices when they are happy.

And, what I’ve really begun to understand recently is that God looks at us and feels the same way that I feel when I look at my daughters – only 1000 times more.  We are His children, and He really, truly loves us unconditionally.  He wants the best for us – even when he has to discipline us for our disobedience.  He loves us even when we turn our back on Him and walk away.  He cares for and provides for our every need.  When he sees that we are hurting and lonely, he understands and wipes away our tears.  Nothing that we can ever do can separate us from the love of God. 

Hebrews 14: 16 (CEV) says “So, whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God.  There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help.”  The cynic might dismiss this as being a simple platitude, but when you realize that this verse is talking about a heavenly Father who is looking at us with a parent’s heart, the truth of these words really begins to settle in.

As much as I love my children, God loves me even more.  As much as I want to give good things to my children, God wants to bless me even more.  And, as much as God loves me, He wants me to go out and love others in the same way – purely and unconditionally, with both words and actions.

“My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth.  I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit – not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength – that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in.  And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love.  Reach out and experience the breadth!  Test its length!  Plumb the depths!  Rise to the heights!  Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.” – Ephesians 3:14-19 (MSG)