My New Year's Confession

Disclaimer:  It's been a long time since I've had the time or inspiration to write, and I hesitated to even publish this little note... But, I needed to write it down as a marker that I can return to as I push into 2013... And, maybe it will speak to others as well...

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I usually look forward to the start of each New Year.  It’s the time to put the old behind you – to forget the past, if you will – and focus on the days ahead.  It’s a time to rekindle your hopes and dreams.  But, this year is different.  I’m just not ready for the New Year - because, somewhere along the way last year, I lost my hope.  And, without hope, the New Year looks kind of dark and scary.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past several days trying to figure out just where – or why – I lost it.  I know that I have to find it again.  Without it, I can’t even begin to think about launching into 2013.  I can’t look deep into my heart and confront the dreams that are buried there because without hope, they just look impossible.

Hope has been defined as “confident expectation.”  And, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve realized that I’ve drifted away from the source of my confidence – Jesus.  I’ve been so busy doing things – most of them good things – that I’ve neglected to nurture my relationship with Him.  The scripture that just keeps coming to mind over and over again is Revelation 2:2-5:  “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false.  You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.  Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.”

Ouch…  Those are not the words that I wanted to hear, yet I know that they describe me.  

So, there you have it – my New Year’s confession – which leads me to my New Year’s resolution.  I resolve to fall back in love with Jesus this year.  It will take time – which is a precious commodity – but it breaks my heart to know that I am breaking the heart of my Savior.  He gave everything for me – He is worthy of my time – He deserves nothing less than my adoration.  He is the source of my hope and the giver of dreams.  And, He is the only One who can make the “new year” new again…