The Freedom to Fail

Growing up is hard.  I think that all of us have experienced that truth at some point.  It’s especially true as we navigate those awkward teenage years through Middle School and High School.  I definitely had my share of struggles during that period of my life. 

Surprisingly enough, I now find myself travelling down that bumpy road from childhood to adulthood again – only this time, I’m in the role of a parent who is taking the journey with my kids.  And, guess what?  It’s not much easier the second time around!

Don’t get me wrong – I love being the parent of tween/teenagers.  I love seeing their personalities blossom.  I love hanging out with them and doing things with them and travelling with them.  I love dreaming with them about the future.  I love having deep discussions with them as they wrestle with the hard questions of life and faith.

But, as the parent of a teenager, I’m more aware than ever that my job as a parent is to prepare my child to “leave the nest” and become a functioning, self-sufficient adult – preferably one who is responsible and kind, who loves God and loves others, who makes good decisions and operates with integrity – one who no longer needs my help on a daily basis…

This task of preparing your child to launch into the real world is different from the task of teaching your child to walk or go to the potty or read or ride a bike or respect authority.  Those tasks require a parent to be very hands on, offering lots of direction and help and encouragement along the way.  But, preparing your child to leave the nest means loosening your grip and expanding boundaries and offering independence. 

This summer, I’m realizing that all of that means that you have to give your child the freedom to fail.  Why, you might ask?  Because…

• Sometimes they don’t fail – they succeed – on their own – without your help.  And, it gives them a tremendous sense of accomplishment.  It increases their confidence.  It makes them more willing to try something a little harder next time.

• Sometimes, they fail.  And, they experience the consequences of their failure – and they learn from those consequences.  They learn far more by experiencing the consequences than they ever would by just listening to you tell them about the potential consequences.  And, you’re there, providing them with a safety net of love and concern that helps them pick up the pieces and try again, but that doesn’t judge or condemn or say “I told you so.”

• Because by giving them the freedom to fail, they can learn to succeed.

This is a hard lesson to learn as a parent – especially when you’re an overprotective parent with a tendency to do too much for your children.  It’s a hard concept to implement when you want so badly for your child to succeed.  It’s hard to hear your children say that they don’t need your help and realize that they’re actually right and that they’ll be ok without you and this is exactly what you’ve been preparing them to do for the past 13 – 18 years. 

So, that’s my goal for this season of my life as a parent – loosen my grip and offer my kids more responsibility while giving them the freedom to fail – and pray – a lot – without ceasing…  What are your goals as you journey through the wonderful world of parenting teenagers?

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it.”  Proverbs 22:6